..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
