I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
