you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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