You made me cry and you don't even care
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
