drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
