The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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