Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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