Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
