Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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