our cab driver is having phone sex.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
