Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We had sex on a dog bed..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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