true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
