I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
