I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
