After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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