and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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