i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
