At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i think i just lost a toe
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
