God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You're like the curious george of whores
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
