Sry I called you an 8
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
babies were throwing up all over the place
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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