Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
