I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
