Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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