Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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