I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
don't judge my taste in strippers
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
