I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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