now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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