I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
