We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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