Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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