i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
