..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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