My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
