This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
