Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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