..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
