This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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