So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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