You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
