I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
