Umm I'm too high to move.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
