They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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