Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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