He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
