oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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