I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
