did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
