whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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