I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
