it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
