i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
