she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
