He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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