apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
