just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
